Right and Wrong

The holiday season is now behind us. Or at least it is for me. School starts back. All of the four day weekends are ending. Today I helped my mother and her best friend take down our Christmas decorations. We went light on decorating this year and it still took forever to get everything done. Dad sat on the couch and watched a football game. The Colts and Bills, I think. All I know is it was snowing something fierce on the screen. I am glad I did not have tickets to that game. After we had finished hiding away the holidays, we all went out to dinner. I felt bad that my mom's friend took care of the bill. She said she had a gift card and that her significant other does not like the joint. I left the tip. It was only fair. Right? Came home and tried to read a little bit. My dog, Habit, wasn't too fond of that idea. She likes to jump in my lap and lay across my chest, breast level, while I am trying to read. It kind of blocks the view. That and I am usually dodging her tongue as well. She is a sneaky little devil.

I love to watch her sometimes. She cracks me up. You never know what she is going to do next. Habit has calmed down a lot since I got her, but she can still find things to get into. She also loves playing with my parents dog, Tie. Actually she is one of the few that can coax a laugh out of me these days. Man that is wrong.

I have started thinking about a lot of life's little issues recently. When we are children our parents try and teach us right from wrong. It was always concrete. It was either right or it was wrong. They never mentioned the grey areas. The areas where what is right for one person may be wrong for someone else, the times when what we do is wrong but for the right reasons and vice versa. Why do they leave that part out? It's the most difficult to deal with. Maybe to make us stronger and more independent thinkers? I have realized even at my age I tend to fall upon the wisdom of my parents. They have been around longer and experienced more of what life has to offer. I am not saying I always take their advice, but another perspective can be enlightening. At times it can be humbling as well.

I was what you would call a very odd teen. At school and around large groups of people I was very introverted. Around my closest friends and family I broke out of my shell. I did not take risks and I did not see grey areas. Everything was black and white or right and wrong. I was very inflexible about it as well. Over the last 10 years I have noticed a huge change in my personality. My friends and family have been an influence in the change. I can not blame them for all of it though. Some of the change was just me. It was me coming into myself. I started taking some risks. It was so hard letting go. I guess I started with my best friends wedding. Yes, I know it was a movie. I am actually speaking about a real wedding, really more like the after the reception ,party. Most have heard about it or were there. I won't divulge too much into it, but I ended up propositioning one of the members of the wedding party. He had no problem with saying yes. I will let you figure the rest out on your own. I had never done anything so reckless or crazy before. Although ,I thought I could be the kind of person that one night would be enough, it wasn't the case. We ended up together again several months later, and the guilt set in. Eventually we decided that we would be better off as friends. I have seen him several times since and we are both very nice to one another.

MY biggest leap came one Derby night several years ago. One of my girlfriends and I decided to go out dancing. Why I wanted to go dancing I do not know. Fate, maybe, because I was not a club kind of girl. We stopped at my friends favorite haunt for dancing. For some reason it was like Senior Citizen's night. Most of the patrons were older than my parents. Since she did not have a good selection of men to choose from we decided to go to a different club, Downtown. We never go to this particular club. It was only the second time I had ever been there. It is one of those clubs where there are multiple types of bars under one building. Needless to say since it was Derby, it was packed. For anonymity sake we will call my friend Jill. Well Jill had plenty of men to choose from now. We were traveling from bar to bar. I was looking to find a dance floor playing music I liked and Jill was looking for a man to snuggle up with. Boy did she ever find a man!!! I will call him by his name since it is a nickname anyway. BONES. Bones was in his mid to late forties, while I was 24 and Jill was 26. If you ever watched the movie Night at The Roxbury. That is Bones. His shirt was buttoned up halfway, gold chain around his neck, drink in his hand and enough cologne to cover 3 men. He came right up to us. Introduced himself and proceeded to offer to buy us a drink.

" Hey, your buuueeeeaatuiful. Can I buy you a Shoooooot?" Were his exact words to Jill. I had a hard time keeping a straight face. Jill was wide eyed and speechless. She told him she already had a drink , but he was ushering us over to his table to meet his friends. There was only one there at the time. Bones got Jill cornered at the table in a seat and introduced us to his friend. We will call him Brian, although that is not his real name. Bones then turned his back to me and Brain, and began to make a play for Jill. I thought it was funny and he seemed harmless, so I decided to talk to Brian. I learned he was from Chicago and only here for the Derby. He comes every year. They were having their usual after Derby festivities. I told him a little about myself, but was not thinking much about it. I honestly thought the man was homosexual and saw no sense in flirting. I just did not have the right equipment. It was about midway through our conversation I looked over and Jill was giving me THE LOOK. You know the look that says get me out of here or I am going to kill you. I made my excuses to Brian, told Bones and Jill I really liked the song playing and wanted to dance. I grabbed Jill's hand and drug her out to the dance floor. We danced for a while then made our way into another bar that plays country and western music. I did not give another thought to the crazy man named Bones and his friend Brian.

Later that night Jill had not only found one man, but she had two.They were both trying to get her to choose them over the other. I could hear them bantering , flirting, and coaxing her to sway her opinion. It got to be quite boring for me. I started to tune them out and began people watching. I always liked to people watch in bars because you can see everything from people fighting, flirting, making out, to having sex. It never seemed to amaze me what some people would do in public. Little did I know I would become one of those people. Anyway, I was looking around and low and behold I see the guy from earlier, Brian. No Bones. I went over and we started talking again. We talked for quite some time. Jill had chosen her squeeze for the night and they went to the dance floor. Brian asked if I would like to dance and I agreed. Heck gay men can be great friends, in the back of my head. "You Shouldn't Kiss Me Like This", by Toby Keith was playing while we danced. I looked up into his eyes and felt the butterflies in my stomach. My first thought was ,Holy shit. I can not like this guy like that. He is gay and I have already traveled down the road of the gay boyfriend. No matter what I told myself during that dance those butterflies would not go away. The song ended and so did the dance. Brian offered to buy me a drink. I usually do not drink when I am designated driver, but Jill and him talked me into having one. I was sensible and kept it to the just one. Brian and I continued to chat about Chicago, Louisville, Derby, our jobs and interests. Jill came over and said in a very loud voice that we should exchange phone numbers. I pulled her away when she went to the bar to get a napkin to write them on and told her that I really thought the man was gay. She told me I was out of my mind and to give him my number. Jill wrote my number on the napkin and gave it to him. She also copied his number down and gave it to me. I was mortified. At this point it was getting late and Jill proclaimed she was starving. She asked the man she had chosen if he wanted to go to breakfast with us, of course he said yes. She then turned to Brian and asked him if he would like to come as well. Now I really wanted to kill her. Then I thought, Bones would come too. This could be really fun. Brian agreed and Bones had found a woman that fell for his lines. Bleached blond, big breasts and little brain. We all went to Denny's for breakfast.

Denny's was packed, as usual. We waited for quite some time for our table. All of us chatting. I think I was the only sober one there. When we finally got seated, our orders placed, and our food searved Bones had us all in stitches. We had all almost finished eating when Bones said he was going to go out to their car and he took the blond with him. Everyone at the table decided to hang out inside for a while to give them some privacy. When they left we all figured they were not going out there to chat. They never came back in. We all were beginning to get very tired, and Brain and Bones had to drive back to Chicago that day, so we left. Jill said a long goodbye to her friend with promises of calling later that day to make arrangements to see one another again. Brian walked me to my car door. He leaned down and kissed me. At first I was in shock. Then I was into it. It was not one of those meek, timid first kisses. You know the ones where it is a little awkward because you don't have the right angle or pressure. This was perfect and according to Jill, HOT. I have to admit , I agree. It seemed to go on forever but not long enough. There was no embarrassed pause after. He extended an offer for me to come to Chicago sometime and I told him to give me a call and maybe he would have to make a trip to Louisville before next Derby. We got into our separate cars and he pulled out of the parking lot. I sat there for the longest time just staring out the windshield. Jill squealed and bounced in her seat, "Oh my GOD. Oh my GOD! I don't think I have ever seen you kissed like that before." I shook my head a little and replied with a huge grin and bright red blush, " I don't think I have ever been kissed like that before." I dropped Jill off and drove home in a hormone induced fog.

I thought about that kiss and the words he had spoken all the next day. I was seriously contemplating going to Chicago for a weekend to see a guy I had just met in a bar. Actually I was telling myself the reasons I should not do it , and why it would be a huge mistake and extremely stupid. I had talked myself out of even calling him. I was sure I was just some girl he met out of town and was looking for a fling to occupy his time until he went home. I had even talked myself into thinking he was married with 4 kids and I was such a horrible person for letting him kiss me. Then I talked to Jill. When Jill and I were together I was her conscience and she was the little devil on my shoulder telling me to go for it. This was no exception. When I told her what I thought she found reasons why I should do it to counter the reasons I thought I shouldn't. It boiled down to I really had always been the good girl. I couldn't even have a one night stand. As Jill said it was time to do something for myself. Something fun, a little wild, a little reckless. A fling is what she called it. One weekend with a man who's kiss curled my toes. I wasn't a virgin by any means, although most of my previous sexual encounters left me far from satisfied. This was my chance to change it. It took her over an hour to talk me into it. I hung up the phone with her and dialed the ten digits that would change my life.

I felt like I was going to throw up. I rehearsed in my head what I was going to say when he picked up the phone. God I felt like and idiot. The phone rang and rang. Then the click of an answering machine turning on. I heard his message and my heart dropped to my stomach. My mind was racing. Should I leave a message or not? I took the chance, left the message and disconnected the phone. I really did not think he would return the call. I called Jill back and told her about the message I had left. We were chatting about what I should say when my call waiting beeped in. I figured it was someone for my mom. I got off the phone with Jill and answered the second caller. It was him. Brian. He had been out to the library but called when he got in. Words can not describe what was going through my head. I casually asked how the trip home had been. How things were going in Chicago. We chatted for a bit before I gathered the courage. " So, I was thinking about maybe taking a trip to Chicago this coming weekend. Do you have plans?" I think I finally shocked him. He did not have plans and made the very polite offer to let me stay at his place instead of having to pay for a hotel room. I took him up on the offer. We chatted for the longest time that night. We were on the phone for over 3 hours. When we finally got off the phone. The butterflies came back. OH holy hell. How was I going to tell my parents I was going to Chicago to stay the weekend with some guy I met 2 days ago? How was I going to tell the rest of my friends? They were going to flip!