The Amusement Park Called Life

When I was young I used to love riding amusement park rides: roller coasters, swings, water rafts, bumper cars. I loved them all. The faster the better. The way my heart felt when the roller coaster flew down the hill or the anticipation as it climbed is very hard to duplicate. My parents used to take the family to such places as Disney World, Kings Island, Santa Clause Land ( aka Holiday World) and of course the Kentucky State Fair. I can close my eyes and almost be trasnported back to those times. The smell of corn dogs at the fair, funnel cakes and cotton candy abounded. It never ceases to bring a smile to my face. Also it was a time when my family was whole. I can always remember dragging my brother from one ride to the next. Conning him into the scarrier ones, even though I knew he would cry. He always found a way to get me back though..lol. As I grow older and miss those carefree times I can't help but see how much life itself is like and amusement park ride. The thrill, the joy, the fear, and the sadness when it is over.

I have had an especially difficult month. Most people either do not realize how difficult or don't care. There are a select few who seem to understand. Thank you for that. Since my last blog my father has had to have his hand amputated. I have been dealing with his feelings of decreased self worth, my mothers guilt for having to have it done ( she had to make the decision), explaining to my younger brother why ( who is hundreds of miles away), and everyones elses questions on "how is your dad". I have also had to make some very difficult decisions about my own life. I have placed my home for sale. I will be moving back in with my parents for a small duration of time. My own feelings of failure, guilt, and worthlessness threaten to overwhelm. See I used to be the rock. I didn't let many people in and I didn't let anyone see my weaknesses. Now I can't keep from it.

I am riding the roller coaster of life and let me tell you right now I am climbing that hill. The fear of the unknown and what is yet to come, the anticipation for the thrill of flying through the air ( release) are forefront in my mind. I hope everyone who reads enjoys thier ride. Close your eyes and hold on tight. Sometimes its a little bumpy.