Borrowed Time
I knew it was going to be difficult for Jason to adjust to our world. It was not the same one he left so many years ago. Immediately following his release my cousin stayed at the house. She, Jason and Cindy ( my brother's girlfriend) kept him busy. He had so much to get used to from learning how to text, setting up e mail account, dealing with the drastic decline in our father's health since the last time he was home. I think dad was the hardest for him. Everything I had already accepted Jason was getting a crash course in.
Jason did great when he got home. He got a full time job driving a fork lift. He was clean and sober, attending regular NA meetings. He came home every night and helped take care of dad. A couple weeks after Jason got home dad got very sick. We had to take him to the hospital where he was admitted. Jason got a hard crash course in ill dad 101. He stayed up at the hospital all night every night until he got his job. Then he was there as long as he could be until dad would boot him from the room. Dad ended up in ICU that trip but got better, kind of. They eventually sent dad home and Jason became his physical therapist. Every night it was exercises and then walking. Dad was getting stronger. Jason's next court date was looming closer. The closer the date got the more pensive Jason became. I tried to give him hope. It would be crazy to send him to prison now.
Dad got sick again about a week before Jason was due in court. He had a heart attack. They wanted to make sure he was stable before they did a cath to check the damage. Dad was not bouncing back the way he always did. They eventually scheduled the cath for the same day as Jason's court date. This was not good. It meant mom would be with dad and i would be responsible for Jason. Not that I thought he was going to run or anything.
The night before Jason and I went to the hospital. We sat there a long time just the four of us. When it was time for Jason and I to leave he leaned over and spoke to my dad so neither myself or my mother could hear. Jason was saying good bye and not just for the night.
The next morning we proceeded to get dressed and start downtown. I had been so hopeful since he got out that they would not send him back, but I could not escape the lump of lead that had taken place in my stomach. I was nauseated. I did stop to get Jason some breakfast. Something told me he needed to eat, it could be a while before his next meal. We got to the courthouse and walked in together. Side by side. Several people had shown up to offer us their support. I was so glad to see them. The lawyer seemed confident things would go well. Jason went up front and I sat in the galley and we waited for the judge to begin. Turns out they never assigned a prosecutor for the case. They picked on up out of the hallway, and he had to go over the case before we could start. It was nerve wrecking. All this waiting.
When things finally got underway, the dread I had tried to push away was back. The prosecutor wanted the probation revoked and Jason sent to prison for the rest of his sentence. The judge made a nice long speech. The longer she spoke the more I did not want to listen. In the end everything Jason had done right- never in trouble while in Florida, all the certificates, all the letters sent in, taking care of my dad, a full time job, staying clean and going to NA meetings, offering to pay back the money he owed for restitution- did not matter to her. She sent him back to prison. " Sometimes it is not about rehabilitation. Sometimes it is about punishment."
As the bailiff stalked over to handcuff Jason, Cindy lost in moaning and running from the courtroom. I was stunned. I could not believe this was really happening. I could feel my eyes well up with tears. It felt like I was trying to breathe through a thick cotton blanket, my lungs burning. My entire body burning with intense hatred, shaking from anger. This was not right. About this time I started to open my mouth to shout the words I could not keep from coming and Robin was standing in front of me. She pulled my head into her stomach as the words come tumbling out. " The fucking cunt just sent my baby brother back. I hope she chokes on her vomit and dies." I pulled away and went to take my brothers belongings from Roy then made a bee line for the door. I was sick inside. Devastated. Now I was going to have to tell my mother that I was not bringing her baby back with me. Again I failed. I told my dad I would bring him back.
Jason did great when he got home. He got a full time job driving a fork lift. He was clean and sober, attending regular NA meetings. He came home every night and helped take care of dad. A couple weeks after Jason got home dad got very sick. We had to take him to the hospital where he was admitted. Jason got a hard crash course in ill dad 101. He stayed up at the hospital all night every night until he got his job. Then he was there as long as he could be until dad would boot him from the room. Dad ended up in ICU that trip but got better, kind of. They eventually sent dad home and Jason became his physical therapist. Every night it was exercises and then walking. Dad was getting stronger. Jason's next court date was looming closer. The closer the date got the more pensive Jason became. I tried to give him hope. It would be crazy to send him to prison now.
Dad got sick again about a week before Jason was due in court. He had a heart attack. They wanted to make sure he was stable before they did a cath to check the damage. Dad was not bouncing back the way he always did. They eventually scheduled the cath for the same day as Jason's court date. This was not good. It meant mom would be with dad and i would be responsible for Jason. Not that I thought he was going to run or anything.
The night before Jason and I went to the hospital. We sat there a long time just the four of us. When it was time for Jason and I to leave he leaned over and spoke to my dad so neither myself or my mother could hear. Jason was saying good bye and not just for the night.
The next morning we proceeded to get dressed and start downtown. I had been so hopeful since he got out that they would not send him back, but I could not escape the lump of lead that had taken place in my stomach. I was nauseated. I did stop to get Jason some breakfast. Something told me he needed to eat, it could be a while before his next meal. We got to the courthouse and walked in together. Side by side. Several people had shown up to offer us their support. I was so glad to see them. The lawyer seemed confident things would go well. Jason went up front and I sat in the galley and we waited for the judge to begin. Turns out they never assigned a prosecutor for the case. They picked on up out of the hallway, and he had to go over the case before we could start. It was nerve wrecking. All this waiting.
When things finally got underway, the dread I had tried to push away was back. The prosecutor wanted the probation revoked and Jason sent to prison for the rest of his sentence. The judge made a nice long speech. The longer she spoke the more I did not want to listen. In the end everything Jason had done right- never in trouble while in Florida, all the certificates, all the letters sent in, taking care of my dad, a full time job, staying clean and going to NA meetings, offering to pay back the money he owed for restitution- did not matter to her. She sent him back to prison. " Sometimes it is not about rehabilitation. Sometimes it is about punishment."
As the bailiff stalked over to handcuff Jason, Cindy lost in moaning and running from the courtroom. I was stunned. I could not believe this was really happening. I could feel my eyes well up with tears. It felt like I was trying to breathe through a thick cotton blanket, my lungs burning. My entire body burning with intense hatred, shaking from anger. This was not right. About this time I started to open my mouth to shout the words I could not keep from coming and Robin was standing in front of me. She pulled my head into her stomach as the words come tumbling out. " The fucking cunt just sent my baby brother back. I hope she chokes on her vomit and dies." I pulled away and went to take my brothers belongings from Roy then made a bee line for the door. I was sick inside. Devastated. Now I was going to have to tell my mother that I was not bringing her baby back with me. Again I failed. I told my dad I would bring him back.
posted by hard2stop @ 5:51 PM
1 Comments:
At 1:39 PM,
CindyCinlou said…
That was the hardest day I've ever been through. I am lucky I got out of there without losing it. Thank you for all your support it's meant alot of me and to him even when he doesn't say it.
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