Fear, Guilt, and Remorse

Have you ever stopped to wonder what makes us feel guilty for doing things for ourselves? Is it the ever burdening voice of your mother during childhood telling you to "act nice", "share your things", "don't be selfish" or is it something deeper? I have recently had an encounter that I feel tremendously guilty about. I am lying to someone I love. Not the little white ones that aren't going to hurt, but whoppers that are going to do nothing but send them from my life for good. I know you asking, " What does the guilt about pushing someone away through lies have to do with doing something for yourself?" I will explain.
Love hurts. I love many people and when I can't live up to their expectations I feel guilty. Recently I have not lived up to anyone's expectations including my own. I know I have to live my life for myself, but the people who love me most have begun to question my actions. To keep all I have to push one away. It is for the best. This person is not respectable and does not respect me or my feelings. The problem is I can not just tell them good bye, I am too close to the situation. Hence the guilt factor.
Not only do I feel guilty, but I also have to live in fear. I am not so much worried about myself as I am the people closest too me. I have started to dig myself out of a black hole but with it come certain fears. Fear of rejection, fear of being old and alone, fear of death , fear of loss pick one I am experiencing it. I think the fear of the unknown and fear of someone else are very big right now as well. I could possibly be in danger. I just don't want anyone else getting caught in the crossfire. That would kill me.
Remorse. After the guilt starts to fade and fear subsides the inevitable remorse for your actions set in. I am not quite there yet, but I know I will be. I have been told I have nothing to feel guilty about and therefore remorse should not even be a factor.
Have you ever loves someone to the brink of sanity? That is where I am at. Telling them good bye and doing so in the fashion I am makes me wonder will I topple over the brink? With the help of some good friends and family I think I may just make it through.